Dah lama saya tak update cis damn it saya sibuk with trial pmr. Now dah merdeka daripada trial, but belem merdeka daripada pmr sebenar lagi uhuk uhuk sedih betul. Pmr dah nak dekat, wish me luck ok :)
Em it's Ramadhan already. Best sangat dapat sahur and puasa and terawih and all that stuff people do when fasting, it's just fun yknow. Pahala pun berlipat ganda. :)
Yeah, I don't know how to start.
Memang saya agak stress nowadays. Dengan stress sebab masalah keluarga dah cukup banyak tambah lagi dengan stress sebab pmr, sebab crush, sebab kawan. Stress sungguh. Ujian di bulan Ramadhan. Saya hanya boleh cakap, sabar umi umairah, sabar.
Family problems are too mainstream for me already. It happens almost everyday until I don't even care anymore how to solve it. It was stressful thinking about it, so I just chose to not think about it, and it is working. I'm not thinking about it and it doesn't hurt as much as before. And since this problems only happen a lot when I'm at my father's house, I'm not really stress because I stay at my mother's house of course.
I just thought that maybe if I stay here, problems will solve. Of course not. Bukannya selesai, tapi masalah tu datang. Saya lari daripada masalah, and then masalah tu kejar saya. And what worse is, since I moved out, a lot of problem happened which make me really stressful. I always want to have my old life back which is that will never happen. Dulu masalah utama saya cuma family. Now. plus with friends and crush and study and a looooot more. I keep feeling like crying at night when I think about my problems. I don't like crying. I never like it. But I'm just sad and too sad and super-duper sad until I can't take it anymore and just cry.
I hate studying. Serious shit if pmr and spm never exist, I won't study at all. Nowadays, I keep studying and studying in the morning, afternoon, evening, and night. Saya asyik tertidur atas meja belajar which is making my body's hurt. I don't eat a lot when Maghrib because I'm too stress. I usually ate 3 plates at once. No joke man, saya kuat makan walaupun kurus. But when saya tak makan banyak tu, maknanya saya terlalu stress sampai tak lalu. Haihhh
I also have some problems with my crush. Which is I don't want to share it. Because sharing is going to make the problem even bigger. Huh, I don't know to whom I can mengadu about this since no one know about this except mah husband Fatin keling forevah hahaha she knew and I know she won't judge and she won't tell. I trust her. She always backup me and always be a good listener for me about this problem. But yeah I can't even meet her . Just texting and calling. Huh. Well, my crush loves me back. That one, I can tell you kah kah kah but that doesn't make me happy at all heh
My biggest problem now of course with friends. I don't fucking know what happen until I can have this problem. Like seriously, I've never been in this kind of situation. Yelah dekat sekolah lama pun tak pernah bergaduh berperang dengan bestfriend, dengan musuh adalah. But with bestfriend yknow! Asyik gaduh perang tembak bunuh. I don't know what to do anymore. I can cry easily when it comes to friends problem . Why ha bila pindah KL je mesti ada masalah cemnik? Masa darjah lima pun sama, asyik nangis nangis nangis. Pikir aku suka ke nangis. Pui. Memburukkan mata tahu tak. Nak bengkak nak merah mencik ai. I've try to be a good friends and no one appreciate me. No one even realize that I've tried so hard. And I guess they hate me now, eventhough they don't show it. Maybe Selangor and KL can never be together LOL. Maybe some people can accept me the way I am, some people are not memilih to be friends dengan sesiapa. But yeah, only some of them. A lot lot lot lot of people hates me. And I guess I can't do anything about it because they just hate me. I don't fucking care anymore because if I care, The problems gets bigger and bigger, and I am so stressful already and I don't want to add it more. When people keep saying that I'm wrong, I keep on wondering, why my old friends never told me this? That I am a bad person? Well I don't think they would ever think that I'm a bad person. I don't think I was being bad to anyone,but people said that I am. My old friends always patted me in the back when I'm sad. I miss them too much already,and when my new friend doesn't treat me well, I suddenly miss them a lot. I need them. I need them to comfort me and say, it's going to be alright. The expert listener,of course Aishah and Fatin.... Hm.
Well I can't help myself from membandingkan kawan sekarang dengan kawan lama. I mean yeah I didn't said semua kawan saya suka marah saya suka gaduh dengan saya. Some of them are really a great friend eva yknow. Just, you still need to understand me, I never experience it before. Kawan lama saya semua layan saya dengan baik. And I mean it when I said, semua. No fight at all. So bila benda macam ni jadi dekat saya, saya jadi lemah and tak tahu nak buat apa and macam mana and yeah I only can say, what am I suppose to do? I keep on acting like I'm strong I will not feel bad about this. But actually, I cry a lot thinking about this problems. I seriously loves all my friends and when they mad at me, I feel like killing myself for not being a good friend.
What am I suppose to do?
